Why Do I Hesitate?

I was in such a hurry.   I was reciting my list over and over in my head, "bath rug, hair dryer, and washcloths".   That is what I do when I walk into any store without my list written down.   But this wasn't just any store.   This was Wal-Mart.   I despise shopping in Wal-Mart.   Wal-Mart without a list?   A nightmare of the worst kind, but a necessity since I had to make the best use of my time.    Little Guy was in class and I only had an hour until I had to pick him up and turn our one and only car over to Big Guy for the rest of the day.    So my goal was to hurry and focus.   But...

I kept running into this one lady.   She didn't speak to me.   She didn't even make eye contact.   She just seemed to be on every aisle that I walked down.    She was very well dressed for 7:45 in the morning.   Her buggy was completely empty with the exception of one thing: a stack of books.   I am not sure how to describe them except "romantic/smut" books.  

I very clearly felt the Lord tell me that she was lonely.   I sat there thinking, "How do I start a conversation?  What do I say?"

We wound up in the same check out line.   She and her books.  Me and my bath rug, hair dryer and washcloths.   Again I feel the Lord nudge me.    Again I am asking, "What do you want me to say?"  I am SO clueless and my doubts are shouting so much louder than anything else in my head.

As we start walking out to the car I am begging, "Lord, I am sorry.  I said I didn't want any regrets and I don't, but please tell me what to do."  

Immediately I knew.  I read!   I read lots of wonderful books.   I pulled every book out of my car that I had.  Even some books that had just come in from my publisher yesterday and I haven't even read yet.   I walked over to her car and said, "Hey!  I saw that you liked to read as much as I do.   I love passing books on after I finish reading so if you are interested I would love to share these with you."   

We had a short conversation about our love of books and I stood there praying over her and her life.   When I walked away I knew that I had planted the seed that God intended this morning.   I also walked away knowing that I almost let my insecurities and doubts prevent me from sharing Jesus with someone.   It is also another lesson of how I "always need to be prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks me for a reason for the hope that is in me."  (1 Peter 3:15)