The "Mom Quiz" Then & Now

This "Mom Quiz" popped up in my Time Hop. I first did it eight years ago and thought it would be fun to test them again. The boys and I laughed a lot at comparing the original answers to now.

Then: Tanner - 7 Now: Tanner - 15
Then: Todd - 11 Now: Todd - 19

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Tanner: I love you. (Now: I love you more.)
Todd: No. (Now: I love you.)

2. What makes mom happy?
Tanner:: Seeing me, Big Guy and Dad doing nice stuff. (Now: When we are all home as a family)
Todd: Foot massage. (Now: Books.)

3. What makes mom sad?
Tanner: When we don’t give you hugs and you have to go through the day without them. (Now: When see you see someone you love hurting)
Todd: When I am sad. (Now: When Dad is not here.)

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Tanner: Say jokes. (Now: Too many ways to count)
Todd: We make each other laugh. (Now: Dad)

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Tanner: Smart, pretty, nice and kind. (Now: oldest sister and very protective)
Todd: A good kid. Now: pretty quiet and kept to yourself

6. How old is your mom?
Tanner: 40. (Now: 21)
Todd: 40 (Now: Are you 49?)

7. How tall is your mom?
Tanner: If I am four feet, you must be five feet. (Now: 5'4")
Todd: taller than me (Now: 5'4"?)

8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV?
Tanner: Doctors (Now: Masterpiece Classics)
Todd: Good Morning America (Now: Goldbergs)

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Tanner: drink coffee and go to work (Now: watch Masterpiece Classics)
Todd: watch tv and get on the computer (Now: read)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Tanner: be the nicest person in the world (Now: writer of devotional series)
Todd: movie star (Now: writing)

11. What is your mom really good at?
Tanner: cooking (Now: being a Mom, cooking, singing... a lot)
Todd: typing (Now: taking care of others)

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Tanner: doing push ups (Now: math)
Todd: math (Now: back seat driving)

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Tanner: work at The Play Place (Now: homeschool teacher)
Todd: work at The Play Place (Now: being a mom)

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Tanner:: the Penne Rustica at Macaroni Grill (Now: Krilakis)
Todd: Mexican pizza (Now: bread pudding)

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Tanner:: that you have a job (Now: I admire your faith.)
Big Guy: that you have stuck with me while I was having a tough time and you tell me that we can find a solution to any problem (Now: how willing you are to give time for other people)

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Tanner:: Tweety Bird Now: no answer
Big Guy: Tweety Bird Now: no answer

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Tanner:: go to the coffee shop and play on the computer (Now: watch our favorite shows and talking --- driving!)
Todd: Go to the bookstore (Now: go to thrift stores)

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Tanner:: We have the same color hair. (Now: We both have common sense and both have misophonia.)
Todd: We are both human. (Now: we both like to read)

19. How are you and your mom different?
Tanner:: I am a boy and you are a girl. (Now: You are more verbal and I am more reserved.)
Todd: I am a boy and you are girl. (Now: different sense of humor)

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Tanner:: You tell it to me every day! (Now: You tell me every day!)
Todd: Because you do. (Now: you always want to be involved in what I am doing)

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
Tanner:: that he is really nice (Now: he makes me feel safe and secure and that he is kind and gentle)
Todd: His sense of humor (Now: his sense of humor)

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Tanner:: Lifeway (Now: anywhere that we go as a family)
Todd: to the bookstore (Now: anywhere as long as it is with Dad, Tanner and I)

It Has Been A Long Time

It has been such a long time since I have had a second to sit down and write.   My days, weeks and months have been filled with care giving.   When I sit I seem to fall asleep or just not want to think about anything.    Today I find myself with a little section of time waiting on Tman to finish some school work and suddenly had all these thoughts running through my brain.  So if they are jumbled... I apologize in advance.

For any of you who may be wondering, Donald is doing so well.  He went for a follow-up with his cancer doctor yesterday.   He said things are looking good.   He has his next PET scan in May to see what might be lighting up.   His doctor says we will keep a close watch on him for the next two years.   The cancer that they found, if it decides to grow, will take off like a lightning bolt so we have to keep an eye on it.   However, we are all trusting God that it will not do anything.  

Our days have been busy taking care of Donald's parents who have been in very poor health.   Lots of driving back and forth, spending the night in hospital rooms and making plans for the future.   As Donald and his brothers all have jobs and my sister-in-law lives in South Carolina, I am trying to fill in the gaps as much as possible.   It has definitely taken a team to handle their situation.

Todd is finishing up his sophomore year of college.   He has worked three jobs at the same time.  Not because he has had too, but because God has opened those doors and he has seen those as opportunities to get contacts.   Watching him change to a mature man in front of our eyes has been amazing.   We attended an awards ceremony two weeks ago where he was named one of the top students at Hinds.   The faculty and staff chose those students based on grades, volunteer work and outside achievements.   Very proud of our guy.

Tman is in his sophomore year of high school.   Every afternoon he comes out and sits and talks to me about what he is learning.   He has an unquenchable desire to learn.    He reads and explores things that aren't even part of his curriculum.  Yesterday he told me he was fascinated by absolute zero and did all this research about it.  The day before it was Elon Musk and his design for pneumatic tubes for transportation.   Just listening to him makes me smarter.   I think back to 2nd grade and how his teacher told me if I didn't remove him from public school he was going to lose his love and desire for learning.   I am so thankful we listened to her and started homeschooling.   It hasn't always been the easiest road, but it has been so worth it.

One of the joys of my life right now is working with preschool worship at church on Sunday mornings.   I handle the crafts and my friend, Cathy, does the Bible story.  We are a good team.   I am so in love with those little kids.    Such sweethearts.  Is it any wonder Jesus said, "Let the little children come unto me?"   After dealing with adults and their craziness, I would rather be with the kids also, Jesus! 

Thanks for letting me ramble.   

The Gift of Intimacy

Donald is on a plane on the way home.  We have joked that since he told his bosses that he won't be able to travel after surgery that they have been trying to cram all the trips they can into these last few weeks.  

We have been texting back and forth talking.  Anxious to get back to each other. It is funny how when you get married you are starry eyed and so in love.  Your images of intimacy are skewed by what you see on television and movies. 

However,  the past twenty six years have shown us what intimacy truly means. 

It is clinging to each other when the doctor gives you bad news.

It is holding hands while a doctor tells you that there is no pregnancy.

It is sitting in a parking garage sobbing and unwilling to leave a loved one at the hospital.

It is standing by the graveside absorbing each other's grief.

It is not giving up when the job is gone and the money is running out.

It is crying tears of joy when we see our sons for the first time. 

It is signing the papers as we purchase our first home.

It is laughing hysterically on family game night.

It is sharing victories.  

It is all these things and so much more.

I have discovered that what we have is so incredibly rare in this world of throw away mentality.   Each day I wake up and thank God for the gift of this marriage.   For the amazing man God gave me for a husband.  

Throwing Away the "To Do" List

Yesterday I woke up with a big "to do" list. I pretty much had the entire day planned out. However not long after I got up I felt the Lord nudging me to get dressed and head out. Despite the fact I knew I probably sounded like a three year old I asked, "Why Lord? Not one part of my plans for today involve leaving the house." However, the nudging continued so I got dressed and got in the car. As I backed out the driveway I told the Lord, "I have no idea where I am going." I turned the CD player onto some worship music and started driving. A few minutes later a store popped into my mind. I didn't need anything from this store, but I asked the Lord to give me a peace about whether this was where I was supposed to go. To be honest, I didn't feel peaceful or sure, but it was the only thing I knew to do. As I walked in the door the owner of the store walked up to me. We have met and talked a few times in the past months. What he said told me why God had sent me, "You are the first person I have seen since I found out my Dad died. He died on Saturday and I have been hiding in my home since then, but I decided to run by the store to check on things before I have to leave for California tomorrow for his funeral. Do you have a few minutes to talk to me?" We sat and talked for an hour and a half about his Dad, what he was expecting when he arrived, and his fears concerning the strained family relationships. We talked about God and his love for him and prayed peace over the rest of the week. It was a holy appointment and holy meeting.

Today I woke up and told the Lord that I had no "to do" lists. Whatever He had for me today I was ready and willing.

Rare Treasures

Last night I was sitting on the couch when Tanner crawled up next to me and put his head in my lap.  I started rubbing his hair like I did when he was little.   A few minutes later he was sound asleep.  

Donald walked into the room, took one look and got a big smile on his face, "Well, I know we were supposed to leave for Life Group in a few minutes, but that doesn't happen very often.  I am pretty sure you want to enjoy every second."

My sweet husband... he knows me too well!

I sat there and soaked in the rare treasure of my teenage son sleeping in my lap for almost an hour and a half.   And I enjoyed every single second of it. 

Home From Houston

Last Sunday we drove to Laurel to get on a plane to fly to Houston.   Really, that was just last Sunday?  It seems like a month ago.   We got on that plane with a group of nurses from MEA who were off to do health fairs.   What a blessing to be able to fly instead of drive the eight hours.  

Bright and early Monday morning we were at the hospital.  Since late June we had been waiting for this moment.  The moment of answers and starting a process of getting Donald well.   First a nurse walked in and asked a lot of questions.  Next a physician's assistant walked in and asked another set of questions.   Finally the doctor walked in and said, "Well, there has been a big problem.   I can't tell you anything without looking at the tumor.  Until I see that there is no reason for you to be here."  

Donald (not me because I was two seconds from being a crying mess) explained how we had gone to the extremes to get everything to them.  We had even brought our own copies of the records to them.   We asked, "Why did you let us come out here if you didn't have what you needed?"   

The doctor said, "I have asked your patient rep to come up here to talk to you."  

When he left the room, as hard as I tried not to, my tears just started streaming down my face.   Disappointment.  Anger.  Frustration.  Helplessness.  Every emotion just seemed to slam me.   Donald reached over to hold my hand and we both prayed.  

When our patient rep walked in she began chattering really fast.   I mean really fast.   She knew she had messed up.  We knew it too.    Then she did the wrong thing.  She lied.  She told us she had a Fed Ex tracking number in her hand and the sample was on the way and would be at the hospital tonight.  What she didn't know was that Donald had already called our doctor at University Medical and they had the sample in their hand, packaged up to send.  They just needed MD Anderson to sign the request form.  

I wish I could say that I just kept my mouth close and extended grace to this lady, but that wouldn't be honest.   I told her that I needed her to know that we were more than a chart.   We had spent gas money,  vacation days, hotel days, meals... and it was all wasted at that moment because she would not answer our phone calls or return our phone calls.   

The rest of the week was slow.  Tuesday Donald had blood work.  Wednesday he had a head and neck scan.   The plan was for us to meet with the specialist on Thursday.    On Wednesday night they called us said all appointments were cancelled since the pathologists wanted to do some additional testing on the samples. 

At this point we have had seven pathologists look at Donald's samples.    Two of the Country's leading sarcoma specialists say they have doubts that this is sarcoma.    Out of a crazy week, this is great news and we give GOD ALL THE GLORY for this. 

We flew home late yesterday.   Seeing our boys and getting hugs from them was good medicine.   Sleeping in our own bed felt so good.    There really is no place like home.

We really have no more answers, but we have been reminded again that these doctors are just men and God is still God.... yesterday, today and forever.

Thy Will Be Done.

Worship As A Lifestyle

My car has always been a sanctuary for me.  It is one of my favorite places to worship.  I love turning up my favorite worship music -- especially hymns -- and singing.  I love turning off the music completely and just pouring my heart to the Lord.   I think it is the freedom of just driving and seeing the open sky and the trees and the beauty of creation.  It is the quiet of the car despite the chaos of the world outside.  It is not caring if someone thinks I am crazy as I pour my heart out in praise as I pass other cars on the road.

I don't hunt.  My husband doesn't hunt.  However, we have friends and family who do hunt.  Some of them say that sometimes they love just sitting out there enjoying the beauty of creation.  They feel the most worshipful and the closest to God  during those times.   I can truly understand that.     (Our disagreement about them missing church to hunt is an entirely different discussion... you know who you are!) 

We had a big dinner time discussion recently about worship.  I told the boys that I knew I was officially old.   (That and I have a serious case of adult ADD.)  I get so distracted by all the bells and whistles that are involved in church worship.  Changing lights.  Covered windows.  Guitar solos.  Whatever....   It distracts me from focusing on God.   Like I said... I am getting old. 

One of my favorite verses on worship is Psalm 96:9...
"O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness: fear before him, all the earth."

I am trying to remember that holiness is so much more than the moments I spend in my car or at church, but in the way I live my life.  I am trying to remember that worship is a lifestyle.    A matter of priority of expressing my love for Him through pursuing a standard of holiness.  

"Pursue...holiness, without which no one will see the Lord." (Hebrews 12:14)
"But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;  for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”  1 Peter 1:15-16

Answered Prayer #3

1.  Once again we cannot say enough about our doctor from University Medical Center.  He has gone above and beyond in making sure Donald is taken care of during this time of waiting before leaving for MD Anderson this Sunday.   He found a 6th pathologist in New York City to look at Donald's case.   This pathologist is a specialist in angiosarcoma.   He is sending his results to MD Anderson so we will have the benefit of six specialists along with the MD Anderson team.   We thank the Lord's guiding hand for giving us Dr. Jordan.

2.  As much as we miss him, we are so thankful for this week of work that the Lord provided Todd in Chattanooga.  It will be such a financial help to him and to us for his sophomore year of school.

3.  As medical bills begin to roll in we know that this is only the tip of iceberg of expenses.  We have seen God provide over and over again in our marriage and we know that this will be no different. 

4.  I am a compulsive plan ahead person.  That has worked in our favor as 90% of Tanner's sophomore year was planned and taken care of before summer started.   The few things that I needed to finish up we have been able to handle easily during the last two weeks.  

5.  Speaking of Tanner,  I am so thankful for Tanner's organized and responsible work ethic in his schoolwork.   Homeschooling is such a privilege and joy for me, but I know that this is going to be a challenging one for all of us. 

6.  Such a supportive team at Donald's job.   Love, love, love them.

7.  The "been there done that" team of friends who have stepped in and given us support.  These are friends who have either gone through or are going through cancer.   They have given us words of encouragement.  Sent us notes.  Invaluable advice.  Dropped by gifts.  Sent gift cards.  We are all members of a club we never wanted to join. 

8.  Our great, big, amazing God who has been our strength.  Our shield.   Our hiding place.  Our constant source of breath when we felt breathless.    He is good all the time.

Be Still and Know

My Mom told me last night I have been very quiet.  She wanted to know if I was OK.  

I hadn't really thought about how quiet I have been.   I think I am just tired.  Really, really tired.  All this waiting has finally caught up with me.  I have tried so hard to stay busy and not think about things that my batteries finally wore out and I just crashed.  

On top of that I find myself wanting my guys close to me.   Just lots of family time.  So that means when Todd got the call from his boss to come back to Chattanooga I wasn't very excited.  Like always, he was so thoughtful.   He came and sat down and told me about the job.  His first words were, "Mom, I know that this is a really inconvenient time.  I won't go if you don't want me to go."   How could I be so selfish?   When he drove out the driveway I cried a lot of tears.  

So as I sit down this morning to drink my coffee and pray and pull myself back together the first thing I see is the sign on my bookshelf that says, "Be still and know."   I kind of inwardly grown.  "Lord, being still means waiting.  Waiting seems like all we have been doing and I am getting tired of waiting.  Frankly, I am getting.... impatient."   There it was.  Impatience.  The opposite of patience which is the fruit of the Spirit.  That is what He was trying to point out to me. 


So I go to that section in Psalms and read:

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46:10-11

Wow!  Those two tiny verses just exude the power of God.  His authority and protection over our lives.  Reading them gave me such peace.  No wonder He tells us to be still and know.  Is there anything I could possibly say to explain what an amazing, awesome, almighty, incredible God I serve?  Mere words could not begin to touch his majesty.  

In just a few minutes in His presence I am reminded of how small my problems truly are and how big my God truly is.   We have seven more days until we get on the plane to go to MD Anderson.  Each one is a gift from Him. 

Thy Will Be Done.

Pride Brings A Person Low

Some of our family came to visit this weekend.   It was such a wonderful weekend full of laughter, eating, shopping, and just relaxing.  The only thing that would have made it even more perfect would have been if Tanner would have been there.  However, we knew he was content because he was serving at his favorite place - Beautiful Feet Mission in Fort Worth, Texas. 

As amazing as this weekend was I have to make a confession.  The days leading up to their arrival revealed a terrible character trait in me:  pride.   I didn't realize just how big and ugly it was until God pointed it out. 

As I was cleaning the bathroom I was frustrated that our tub has this ugly stain that will not come out. No matter what I try.  It makes me look like a horrible house keeper.  It is just nasty.   So embarrassing.  Then I started thinking that I really needed to go buy new towels because ours are not really the nicest for company.   That made me start thinking about how half of my dinner dishes are chipped because my boys are not always the most careful when unloading the dishwasher so maybe I should go get a few dishes.   Then I started noticing other things that I wished I could make "just so" before their arrival and God just said, "STOP!" 

He reminded me of exactly where Tanner was at that moment.  Serving homeless people in Fort Worth.   People I love so very much.   People who have absolutely nothing when I have absolutely everything.  And I had let my pride take priority over what was important which was welcoming our family into our home.  Spending time with them.   Making memories during the time we were going to share.  

Psalm 29:23 says "pride brings a person low" and I believe it, because it focuses on me-me-me instead of others like it is intended.  Once God convinced me to let go of everything and just focus on the weekend I felt free. 

Even free to ignore my home and that little spider web I noticed in the corner as we ate supper because we were all laughing at another funny story that was being told. 

Goliath

I have named Donald's cancer, "Goliath".  

For any of you who are not aware of Goliath, he was a giant warrior in the Philistine army.  I think there is some arguments about exactly how tall he was.  I have heard he was 6 foot 9 inches and I have heard he was 9 foot 9 inches.  In any case, he was HUGE and mean and fierce. 

But he was on the wrong side because David was on God's side.  That is who fought and conquered Goliath.  Fought him with his slingshot and five smooth stones.   That part of the story still amazes me.  David went to a creek and picked out five stones.  It only took one stone to kill Goliath, but he had five.   He had a plan and a faith in God.   

So, you see why I have named Donald's cancer Goliath.   It is on the wrong side of God.   We are being given a lot of stones (treatment options) to choose from right now.  We are asking God to guide our hearts and minds as to which one to put in our slingshot.  

Right before David killed Goliath he said, "This is the Lord's battle, and he will give you to us!" (1 Samuel 17:47 NLT).    That is another reason I call this Goliath.  This battle is the Lord's.  It is His.  Every mountain and valley.  Every decision.  Every day of treatment.  Every day.  

This battle is yours, Lord.   Thy Will Be Done. 

Give Us Your Peace

I have been reading in Mark 4.   Verses 35-41 keep staying with me. 

³⁵ That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” ³⁶ Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷ A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸ Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
³⁹ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
⁴⁰ He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
⁴¹ They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

I love reading about Jesus for obvious reasons.   Sometimes I think we forget that he was fully human when he was here.    With all the obvious messages I have heard on these verses, it is the humanness that has stuck out most.  

"When evening came...." The verses before these tell us Jesus had been standing on that boat all day long preaching to the crowds.   Can you imagine how tired he must have been?  But he couldn't just step off the boat and walk home to sit down on the couch and rest.  First of all, he didn't have a home or a couch.  Plus to step off the boat would mean stepping into the crowd who all wanted just a second to talk to him.   His only option was to just push the boat off and go to the other side.  
I can only imagine that he was asleep within a few minutes of putting his head down.   So when his disciples woke him up about that storm?  I don't know about you, but when someone wakes me up when I am exhausted I am GROUCHY.  (Seriously fam... no comments here.)   I know Jesus handled grouchiness better than I do. 

But really I can't fault the disciples.   I am pretty sure I know why God led me to these verse.  This week has been hard.  Bone weary.  Heart breaking.  Chest crushing.  Hard.  

To put it into perspective for you.   At some moments, Donald's cancer has been small in comparison to some of the other things going on.  Yes, just that hard.

In all of these storms I have found myself crying out, "Jesus!  Do you see that we are sinking?  I trust you.  I believe you.  My hope is in you.  But, I feel like the waves are getting way too high and overwhelming.   Please, Jesus, calm these storms!" 

Then these last verses... "Even the wind and the waves obey Him!"  

Those simple words have brought comfort to me.  

That Jesus in his own moment of human exhaustion stood up and said, "Peace." and the wind and waves obeyed him.  What comfort that is to me. 

The disciples were so slow to understand, but I understand.  I know.  Lord, these waves are high right now.    Gives us your peace. 

Anticipation

All this waiting is just so draining.   Each of us are trying to stay busy to keep ourselves distracted.

Donald is working.  Obviously, he wants to work as long as he can.  It gives him a sense of normalcy in the midst of a lot of uncertainty. 

Both the boys are doing mission work, volunteering at the church, helping both Donald and I with anything we need and spending time with friends. 

I am trying to think ahead and anticipate what our needs might be in the coming weeks.   Cleaning.  Trying to cook some things to put in our freezer.  Making sure that all Tanner's curriculum and lessons are ready for the first semester of school.    Trying to look at all the things that Donald does that I am going to have to handle while he is going through chemo/radiation.  (What a list!)

I am going to admit that today has overwhelmed me a little.  I have looked ahead a little too much.  Allowed myself to think too much.   Long story short... I took my eyes off of Him.  That is never a good idea.   I have had to step back and remind myself that God already knows what is ahead and has it firmly in His control.   I have had to allow myself to put my head in my Father's lap and just cry for a few minutes.    So thankful for Jesus' promise of peace.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

Not Just One But Two

I woke up at 4am this morning.  Wide awake.  The kind of awake that told me God was telling me to get up and pray.   It was easy to pray because my list is so long:  Donald's health, Tanner's trip to Beautiful Feet, the team going to Belize, my aunt's surgery this morning, my Dad's heart, Nathan in the Dominican Republic, Aaron and Karen at Winshape, my nieces away at the beach, my sister and BIL transition to Memphis, Todd starting his sophomore year of college, etc.... You get the picture.  God and I could talk forever about so many things. 

However, I knew that God was preparing my heart for the doctor's appointment that we had with Donald's urologist that we had planned this morning.  He knew what we were going to hear.  

The words the doctor spoke were:  "Donald has kidney cancer." 

The air didn't seem to leave the room like it did with the first diagnosis.  However, we have decided that if there is a statistic to break, Donald is obviously going to do it.  This cancer is usually found in men who smoke.  Since Donald has never smoked a day in his life, he doesn't fit the normal realms of this cancer. 

However, now we are not dealing with just one cancer, but two. 

The doctor says he wants to make the final confirmation next Wednesday with the biopsy, but he is 90% sure of his diagnosis.   We were so thankful to find out that this kidney cancer is not the same as his other cancer.   The kidney cancer is very slow growing and the mass is small at this point.  

Donald looked at the doctor today and said, "I am going to beat this so just tell us what to do."   So we talked through what that would look like and how it needed to work in relation to his treatment for the other cancer. 

For now we are so thankful for another amazing doctor which God has sent us.   We are thankful that we have a plan for this cancer.   I am thankful for my sweet husband and his continual leadership of our family. 

I am most thankful for our Great Physician.

Thy Will Be Done.

Taste and See

"Taste and see that the LORD is good.
Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!" 
Psalm 34:8

Can your kitchen be a prayer closet?   I hope so, because it is one of the places for me where I take refuge to pray.   Maybe that is why I like Psalm 34:8 so much.  Any time I see that verse I think of cooking and baking for my family and I also think of taking refuge in my special place. 

Today as I baked batches of chess squares, Mississippi Mud cake, pork loin, summer vegetables, fresh bread and other things, God and I talked.   We talked about all the missionaries that are on our missionary board.  All the friends and family whose pictures are posted inside our cabinet doors.  

We just talked and He nourished my soul while I made the things that I thought would nourish the stomachs of my family and friends who are going through some trying times.

I am always telling my boys: "Whatever you are filled with spills when you are bumped."   Kind of like the gallon of tea that is sitting on my counter right now.  If I bump it, sweet tea will spill out.  Not milk.  Not water.  Not coke.  Sweet tea.   When we go through trials, whatever our heart is filled with is going to spill out.  If it is Jesus, then He will spill out.  If it is not, then that will spill out too. 

Getting bumped is not fun.   I have had a lot of bumps in my life time.   However, I have "tasted" and "seen" that bumps mean learning about God's faithfulness.   It is a way to increase and build on my faith.  If my life had been free from pain and sorrow, my relationship with God would still be so basic.  It would be like some of the relatives that my parents have told me stories about, but I have never met.   I am glad I know about them, but I don't know them.  There is no intimacy.  No relationship.  No friendship.   

I can't imagine my life without this friendship with Jesus.  I am so glad that I have been able to take refuge in Him.  To taste and see that He is GOOD!

Answers to Prayer #2

1.  This week we have received a card, a letter from a Sunday School class in another state, messages, texts and phone calls from people telling us they are praying.  Each and every word brings us comfort.  

2.  So many people have offered to help us however we need.   At this point, we have no idea what we need, but as we listened to the options for treatment I realized that the point for needing help was going to definitely going to come.   Please know that all of your offers for help are SO appreciated. 

3.  Have I mentioned Donald's surgeon, Dr. Jordan?  Still such an amazing answer to prayer.  He calls.  He texts.  He emails.   We are so thankful for him.

4.  Donald feels good.   He is working.  Being able to work and keep his normal schedule is a wonderful blessing.

5.  Although Donald's type of cancer is rare, unfortunately cancer isn't.  People who have walked this journey have given us words of wisdom that have really helped us in knowing best how to plan.  They have contacted our families as well.  We so appreciate that and hope to one day be where we can do the same for someone else. 

6.  Our families are amazing.   Their prayers.  Their encouragement.  Their love.   So thankful for each of them.

7.  Our boys.   You want to have a clue about how amazing Donald is as a Dad?   Look at our boys and how they are  handling all of this.   Their strength and maturity as well as faith in the midst of all of this makes me even more proud to be their Mom. 

I Still Do

Happy Anniversary, my sweet husband! 

Twenty six years ago, I walked dragged my Daddy down the aisle to get to you.   Your Uncle Phil told Daddy that I was the happiest bride he had ever married in all his years as a pastor.   There is a reason for that.  I was the happiest bride on the face of that earth.  I am still the happiest bride on the face of the earth to be married to you. 

On that day we took our vows to to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.    We meant those words when we said them.   The last twenty six years of actually living the better  and worse, richer and poorer, sickness and health have cemented those vows and made us one in the way God intended.  

You know me like no one else.   You make me laugh every single day.   We finish each others sentences and often don't need words at all.   We would rather be with each other than anyone else. 

Just like that day when we were standing in front of our family and friends, we did not know what our future held, we just knew that we were going to face it together.   Today we do that again.  I don't know what the next weeks, months and years hold for us, but I know that we will do it together, hand in hand with God holding each of us.

I love you with everything I am.  
Thank you for loving me.

I Still Do,
Deanna

God Does Not Care About Statistics

We met with the University Hospital Medical team this morning.   I think I insulted the first doctor I met with my questions of "Are you married?" and "Will you call in a plastic reconstructive surgeon to help?" (He WAS the plastic reconstructive surgeon.)   Open mouth.  Insert foot.   Ya'll he just seemed so young.  However, my awkwardness aside, he and the entire team was smart.  Like major overwhelming, studied at John Hopkins and did residencies at some impressive universities smart.  They answered our  questions and even anticipated every scenario we were thinking.   They were blunt and brutally honest.  They said they felt like they owed that to us.   We agreed.  

We have kind of felt like we have been in such a waiting game that it felt good to get some answers and some direction.   They gave us a list of options that are offered here at University Hospital along with a time table.   They also highly encouraged us to go to MD Anderson to hear what they have to say and see what options they offer. 

The hardest part of the day for me was when they started throwing out statistics and numbers.  That is the only thing I cannot handle.   I hate numbers.  I hate statistics.  Hearing them boil my husband's life down to a number just shreds my heart. 

After we talked to our boys, I texted our circle about being home.   The first text I got back was from my brother-in-law.   His words to me were, "God does not care about statistics."   Oh to hug my sweet Taylor at that moment.   He was God's voice to my ears.   Even though Donald and I had said those words to each other on the way home, seeing those words in his text was just what I needed.  

So I am doing what I was reminded by Ron to do yesterday when he sent me 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you."

I trust in you, Lord.   This decision is yours.  Donald's health and life is yours.   Our marriage is yours.   Thy Will Be Done. 

Yawn

"Have you ever been diagnosed with cancer?  If so, what?"

There is something about answering that question on the dozen of medical forms we have had to fill out that has slammed the hammer of reality down on our hearts and minds.   (Speaking of medical forms... good grief there are so many and all the same.  There has to be a better way!  Maybe this is their way of helping you pass the time in waiting rooms. :-) )

We meet with the University Team in a just a little while.  Donald and I did not sleep well last night.   That feeling you get when you are a little kid excited about Christmas morning?  The opposite of that.   Neither of us seemed really anxious or nervous, we just couldn't sleep.   Really, I think I couldn't sleep and was keeping Donald awake, but he is way too sweet to tell me.

My coffee is getting cold.   Better get moving before we have to leave!

Thy Will Be Done.

Smile

After we began discussing Donald's cancer journey, I began thinking that I really wanted to have family pictures made.   We have not have family pictures made in a long time.   That is primarily my fault.  I love photos as long as they are not of me.   I would rather go to the dentist than have my photo made.  Seriously... I just don't like having my photo taken.  Maybe if I were photogenic, but I am not.   You should see my nieces -- all three of them.  You can catch them off guard and they still look like they should be on the cover of a magazine.  If I didn't love them so much, I would have to be envious of that kind of ability.   Anyway, you get the picture (see what I did there?). 

I immediately knew that there was only one person I wanted to take our pictures.  She has taken the boys portraits.  We are friends and I trust her.   I sent her a vague text about photos and found out that her schedule was packed.   She was working VBS, going on a mission trip, and had a plate overflowing.   I just didn't think it was in the cards.   I wasn't sure where to go because I could not imagine anyone else taking our photos, but I knew she could help me find someone.  I called and asked her to help me find another photographer who would be willing to help us on July 4th weekend.  

Being the sweet, generous and thoughtful friend that she is, she offered to take our pictures for us despite the crazy hectic schedule he has.   I immediately started crying.   Over pictures.  I haven't cried over anything else in this process, but knowing that she would be willing to do this for us meant to much to me.  

This morning we met and tried our best to get photos.  It was hot!  Taking family photos in Mississippi in July is not exactly ideal.  However, if anybody can make us look good I know that my friend can do it.   She promised she put on her extra skinny lens for me.  :-)    We will see.