I Will Look Up

I usually grab coffee at the coffee shop where I meet for discipleship time on Sunday mornings.  However, my student had to cancel so I altered my plans and went to a different coffee shop on the way to church.  I ran into a friend who was grabbing coffee on her way to take her sweet little girl to the doctor.    Cars need gasoline.  Moms need coffee.   It is just a fact of life.  

I told her that I felt like going to church was going to be a sacrifice of praise for me because my prayers have felt like they were bouncing lately.    I have no doubt that God is listening.   He has never quit.  It is just that I think I am talking in circles.   My sweet Big Guy being sick since Thanksgiving has definitely put me into prayer rut.    I trust God with him.   However, I realize that I am still clutching him and afraid to fully let go of him.   Even typing that right now makes my chest physically hurt.  

Knowing all of that I sat inside of my car before service started, I was listening to praise music, drinking my coffee and talking to God.   Trying to get my heart prepared to walk into worship.   I just wanted to set everything aside so I could truly worship.    I had parked on the back side of the church so people wouldn't drive by and see me inside my car crying and think I was having a nervous breakdown.  

I walked into church and realized it was youth Sunday.    I realize now that the time spent in the car allowed God to fully wrap my heart.  Had I not spent that time with him, walking into to find out it was youth Sunday would have upset me.  I would have gotten upset that Big Guy was missing yet another event.    Yet not only did it not phase it.  I was so excited they were going to lead worship.  I love when our youth do anything.  I am pretty in love with our youth.

One of the songs we sang in worship was "I Will Look Up".   I am pretty sure that the entire sanctuary disappeared and it was just God there as I completely submitted myself to him in worship.   

All the worries of this world
I will lay them at Your feet
Surrender every anxious thought
For perfect peace, Your perfect peace

All the loved ones I hold dear
All my hopes and dreams and all my fears
I will choose to trust Your name
In everything, with everything

I will look up for there is none above You
I will bow down to tell You that I need You
Jesus Lord of all, Jesus Lord of all

I will take You at Your word
For Jesus You have taken hold of me
All my life is in Your hands
You are my strength, You are my strength

I will look back and see that You are faithful
I look ahead believing You are able
Jesus Lord of all, Jesus Lord of all

Prince of Peace, Perfect Healer
All my life, all my cares on You
King of Kings, Mighty Savior
All my life, all my cares on You

I guess what I discovered yesterday was that despite the fact of what we are facing right now.   Worship was not a sacrifice.  It was incredible.  An amazing wonderful experience once I took my eyes off what was around me.    My challenge for the coming days:  I will look up!