I've been looking at the Sears Roebuck catalog. Did you know thongs come in small, medium, and large, but no XX large. Why is that? I dug out my old two piece bathing suit and tried it on and do you know what? It's a thong now! I'm in style. Panama City here I come. See, it pays to save those outgrown clothes. My husband said I would never wear that again. He's in for a surprise. Do you think a tattoo would enhance my thong? Can I use one of those washable stick-ons? What should I get? Any suggestions?
Dear Ruby Pearl,
Sadly, I've noticed that thongs don't come in X-large sizes. I'll bet the reason behind this is that a bunch of Northern fellers are designing those thongs. Get a Southern boy in that Thong Design Room and you'll get a thong to fit the roundest and prettiest rump. As far as enhancing your thong experience, a tattoo could give your rear end a real boost. Since tattoos are permanent, you should probably go for those temporary tattoos or those nice stick-on thingies you can get five for a dollar down at the Dollar General Store.
What to place on your plump posterior? Here are my top choices:
A big black #3 (in honor of Dale Earnhardt Sr)
Dale Earnhardt Sr's autograph
"See Rock City"
"Pork Fat Rules"